"Outsider" essay

With Graduation seemingly right around the corner -- too close, I think -- I've enjoyed reflecting on the past 12 years. Speaking in sweeping generalities, I see it as a reverse bell curve, peaking in elementary school, declining in middle school, and peaking again as an upperclassman. What is notable about this is how the curve corralates with my involvement in school activities over this time period. Having been the SGA President in 5th grade, then ignoring the club for three years, the opportunity to participate again in 9th grade resulted in a strong feeling of exclusion -- the quintissental outsider.

Entering high school in ninth grade, I felt completely lost and overwhelmed. I'd walk around, only to find that I had just completed a circle. Wading through a sea of students to my homeroom the first day of school, I only recognized a handful of faces. Many other freshmen had relationships with students from the other middle school; I did not. In middle school, I felt comfortable within the confines of my "team;" in high school, with no such group, I found myself lost and confused. All in all, the first weeks were rough. SGA elections were scheduled for the second week of school. While I was interested in participating, I felt like the ultimate stranger. Having not participated at all in middle school, I knew I wouldn't be elected. I had no chance against the popular, pretty girls and football players.

I decided I would run for delegate. Not knowing that any student who finds the 50 signatures automatically becomes a representative, I put up signs reading "Brian Stelter for Delegate." Two of these quickly found their way to the floor, having been ripped down and torn up. For the first two years, attending the class meetings religiously, I nevertheless felt like the only student on the sidelines, listening in while this group of students made decisions. It was the "popular kids" who dominated the SGA. I remember my excitement when, during my sophomore year, the president -- a big, intimidating football player -- asked me to help with the student member of the Board election. I felt "special" that I was actually asked to help. Back then, it was exhilarating; now, it seems incredibly immature. But besides this event, I felt like the outsider -- it was Brian sitting at the end of the table, with the popular kids on the other side, making decisions.

The fall of my freshman year, I attended many of the Homecoming float and hallway meetings. I recall being inside, cleaning off paintbrushes when the group started making plans. "Is everyone here?"," two girls asked, before being told yes and started asking for banner ideas. While it was likely just a careless mistake,

In retrospect, my own stereotypes reinforced the outsider feeling. "He's a jock," "she's a cheerleader," so I could never be friends with them. Three years later, my best friend is a football player and I have dated cheerleaders.

This experience taught me, only in retrospect, how important it is to include all students. The person who seems excluded sometimes has the brilliant idea or the realistic explanation.